How do you know?

That's a question I find myself asking a lot lately. How do you know what you're supposed to feed your kid? How do you know when to feed them? How do you know how much to feed them? How do you know when bedtime is? How do you know when you should potty train? How do you know when you should punish or not? How do you know when you should change from a crib to a bed? How do you know when they're ready to play at the park? How do you know which diapers are better? How do you know when all the sales are so you can get cheap clothes? How do you know if the kid is ready for nursery? The list of questions sometimes seems endless. And the answer seems to be nearly the same for every question, and it comes in two parts. You either get a) 'Every child is different, so you never really know,' b) 'She'll tell you when she's ready', or c) 'All you can do is try different things until you figure it out.' So, this last week or so we've been trying different things with Karen to see if we can figure out if what we're doing is the best or if there is a 'better' way. Here are a few examples:

We have lots of books in our apartment, 3 bookcases full, and one about halfway there (mostly with Karen's books on it). Karen knows that pulling mom and dad's books off the shelf is bad, but it usually gets her some attention. So, whenever I get busy with something (playing the piano, doing the dishes, taking a shower...) she would pull the books off the shelf so I would notice her. Redirecting her attention had worked, but it wasn't cutting it any more. So I decided that every time she pulled a book off the shelf she would have time out in her crib, since there is nothing to play with in there. I started this on Thursday last week, and it was a horrible day. Karen was in time out at least 6 or 7 times (for about 2 minutes each time). I didn't think I could keep doing this, but I figured it wouldn't hurt to try it for a couple more days. Friday we only did time out 4 times, and she has not been in time out at all since Sunday morning. It's been nice not to have to pick up books all day long. I guess in that case it was okay to punish, and be really consistent about it.

Another thing we've been working on is changing to a 'big' (twin size) bed from the crib. We only have the top bunk of our bunk beds set up, with rails to keep her from falling but a space where she can get out. At first I only put her there when she was already asleep (usually around lunch/nap time when we were somewhere in the car for too long). One afternoon I put her down and she just got out of bed and tried to sneak to her toys...So she went in her crib. Last night we put her down for the night fully concious in the big bed. She went to sleep! It was amazing! However we went to check on her before we went to bed and she was sitting up, aware that this was not her normal bed. So, we put her back in the crib...but I still see it as a triumph. She lasted almost 4 hours. Maybe by the time we have this next kid she'll be able to go the whole night!?

As a last example, we've been getting ready to go into nursery. Karen is now a very large 16 months old, but has recently been dealing with a bit of separation anxiety. She wants to play with the other little kids, but she wants mommy to be right there the whole time. I've tried leaving her in different nursery classes (like for Enrichment night, etc.) but it hasn't worked out... until this morning. Tuesday mornings I have my 'Let's talk about it' class at the church, where moms come and talk about stuff; anything from laundry and shoe issues to who wears the pants in the family and is that how it should be. Today, for the first time ever Karen went into the nursery and started playing with the toys. I told the lady watching the kids that I'd take her if she had any problems because she's not used to it. But she was just fine. After an hour and a half she came walking down the hall holding hands with the other kids, having a grand old time and didn't even notice me until I called her name. It was a great feeling.

Well, it seems like I've figured out the answers to a couple of questions, at least for now. If you want, I can give you the answers. They're at the end of the first paragraph. If I ever find any better answers, I'll let you know. Here are some other 'firsts' that Karen's had the last month or so.

Karen's first time at the playground; she's much more self-sufficient there now; we just have to make sure she doesn't slide head-first.

the first day as a superhero; Super Karen is wearing the oh-so-stylin dish towel, and reading the Book of Mormon. I'm making her a cape as part of a Halloween costume...

Karen's first time putting olives on all her fingers; when I started taking the picture they were all on, but they didn't last.